I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize