im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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