I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
