She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
