I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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