omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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