Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
