if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
