why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
