Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
