Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
