I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Randomize
