dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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