a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
