I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
