I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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