Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
