bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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