I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
