How'd it feel making her break her religion?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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