He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize