Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
