I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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