Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
