She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
