My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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