maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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