I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
