i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
