Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
