So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
