oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
