well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
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and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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