we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
