Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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