so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
