are you so shy because you have an std?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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