Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
