this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
