you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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