apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
sarcasm needs its own font
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
