Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
