I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
