he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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