Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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