I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
