i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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