SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
