If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
