I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
