the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
