Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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