i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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