Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i drank out of a bidet.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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