I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
