i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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