Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
