So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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