I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
