My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
