yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
