My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
zippers are such a cool invention
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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