Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
