um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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