I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
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