Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
