Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
