If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
