Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
