I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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