i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
